You've seen the worst that could be done
You've strugled and prayed
But no anwser was given
You've wonderend why but no valid reason was found
You've taken the hard road to nowhere
Just to find out that you just didn't beleive when you prayed
Have faith, for God desires friendship with you, no emnity
Only the emptyness of yesterday makes you truly understand what today will bring
Push, pull, strain in vain
No matter what you do nothing seems to comply
Your stuck in chains and the only person who can set you free is God
Pain hurts, lonliness kills you
Friendship frees you, love locks you up
God forgives you
Midnight Lilly
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wow! Here I am... again, writting my shit feelings down. I must of hit rock bottow. Round two, this sucks...
Unfortunatly now this happens after, what is suppost to be the most wonderful things in my life. My son was born in August of 2008, today is some random day in July of 2009 and I feel like this... Why? How could I feel so much unconditional love towards my child and have none left over to love myself for who I am?
On most days I feel okay or great, and then there are days where I feel drained, empty, small, worthless, useless, incompetent, you name it, that's how I feel. All I want to do is fall asleep and either never wake up or wake up only when I feel better. The only thing that keeps my heart beating is the sound of my husband and my son. God bless them both ofr putting up with me.
I want things to go back to what they where when my husband and I first got married, except with the addition of my beautiful son.
I know one days this will all go away and I'll be sitting there reminising about today and being thankful and greatful that my husband had put up with me through everything. That and that I'm still alive and haven't taken my own.
Midnight Lilly
Unfortunatly now this happens after, what is suppost to be the most wonderful things in my life. My son was born in August of 2008, today is some random day in July of 2009 and I feel like this... Why? How could I feel so much unconditional love towards my child and have none left over to love myself for who I am?
On most days I feel okay or great, and then there are days where I feel drained, empty, small, worthless, useless, incompetent, you name it, that's how I feel. All I want to do is fall asleep and either never wake up or wake up only when I feel better. The only thing that keeps my heart beating is the sound of my husband and my son. God bless them both ofr putting up with me.
I want things to go back to what they where when my husband and I first got married, except with the addition of my beautiful son.
I know one days this will all go away and I'll be sitting there reminising about today and being thankful and greatful that my husband had put up with me through everything. That and that I'm still alive and haven't taken my own.
Midnight Lilly
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