Wow! Here I am... again, writting my shit feelings down. I must of hit rock bottow. Round two, this sucks...

Unfortunatly now this happens after, what is suppost to be the most wonderful things in my life. My son was born in August of 2008, today is some random day in July of 2009 and I feel like this... Why? How could I feel so much unconditional love towards my child and have none left over to love myself for who I am?

On most days I feel okay or great, and then there are days where I feel drained, empty, small, worthless, useless, incompetent, you name it, that's how I feel. All I want to do is fall asleep and either never wake up or wake up only when I feel better. The only thing that keeps my heart beating is the sound of my husband and my son. God bless them both ofr putting up with me.

I want things to go back to what they where when my husband and I first got married, except with the addition of my beautiful son.

I know one days this will all go away and I'll be sitting there reminising about today and being thankful and greatful that my husband had put up with me through everything. That and that I'm still alive and haven't taken my own.

Midnight Lilly